Fail

Thursday, May 14, 2015



Today I had one of the worst workouts in a long time. I'm an athlete, I find ways around my ailments and I will not let them get in the way of my progress. Right? So I decided to work on my knee a little bit since it has been feeling better lately. I did some research on good stability exercises for knee injuries, wrote out my workout and headed to the gym. I started out with lightweight squats with isometric holds, pausing at the bottom for 4-5 seconds, really focusing on stability. I got through, with fewer reps than I intended, with little to no knee pain. I attempted to take a video with the intention of posted later on today, and I forgot to move my water bottle, so it looks like I'm sitting on it. Ugh.




I moved on to dead lifts, which was a bad choice and should have been left out of my workout all together. I started light, and feeling good I added more and more weight. I got to my PR (185) and I didn't even come close to pushing that weight (I say pushing, because contrary to popular belief, dead lifts are a push to pull exercise--you push from your heels and then pull using you hamstrings, glutes and lower back). Anyways, after changing hand positions and trying a couple times I gave up. My knee was hurting me now and I felt like a failure. Like everyone was watching me and thinking, "wow, did she really think she could do that? that's embarrassing". But why? Why should I care what these people think? At that point, I should have gone home and rested. Like I said, my knee was hurting and I shouldn't be pushing it. 


Got MAYBE 3 inches off the ground.

But no! I had to prove these people wrong, right? Ugh. So I kept going, set a new PR for hip abductors (3 x 8 at 150lbs) and moved on to one-legged dead lifts. I started with my right leg planted, and felt fine obviously. I moved on to my left leg and immediately felt a rush of pain through my knee. I sucked it up and finished 2 x 8 for each leg because I couldn't let these people see me fail again, right?! Ugh. I moved on to weighted glute bridges. I did 5 reps and had to stop because the pain was too intense. At this point I felt so defeated I just went into the locker room to pack up, on the verge of tears because I was so mad at myself. Mad at my body for not allowing me to do what I want to do. 

I left the gym with pain in my knee just from walking. Which I haven't had in about a week. Was it really worth it? HELL NO. Have I learned my lesson? HELL YES. 

Why are we afraid to fail? Why did I care that other people were watching me fail? I try so hard to practice what I preach to my clients. "You shouldn't care what other people think, do this for you". But I'm only human. I don't always have good days, and I fail. A lot. I refuse to let this get in the way for my health anymore. I really could have hurt myself trying to prove myself wrong. My health is way more important than a bad workout. There is always tomorrow. And you better believe I will be kicking ass in the gym tomorrow (my own, that is). 

I hope that I have helped at least one person with this post, because I don't want anyone to feel the way I did leaving the gym today. I shouldn't have felt defeated. I should have been proud of myself. Proud that I am TRYING to heal. That I didn't just give up when I got injured. Thomas Edison once said,


 "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work."

We should not be afraid to fail. How else will we find what works best for us? 

xoxo

Chelsea, Athlete for Life 

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